“Why are you smiling?” I ask, trying to sound pissed, but she’s making me smile by smiling up at me. “Fuck you,” I manage to get out, but at this point I’m laughing. Fuck. She smiles at me. I’m straddling her on the bed. She’s on her back. Her cheek is glowing red where I just slapped her. She’s beaming up at me with that smile. Fuck. I pin her wrists and that makes her laugh out loud. I raise one hand high for another slap on her cheek. She tries to look hurt and serious but she’s giggling. Her sillyness makes me laugh but it also builds up a sweet rage inside me.
I feel a swell, a strong wave roll through me. I swing hard but hold back at the last second. Maybe someday I won’t hold back, but for now, I do. I need an edge of safety. She wants me to be rougher. I’m not there yet. But I slap her hard, a surprise. I watch her head jerk to the side before she slowly brings it back to stare at me. Now we’re serious. She has that look in her eyes. I can see she’s feeling what she craved. My own cravings surface with hers. We do this. We feed off each other. We push each other. And sometimes we pull back. I like the change of it. It’s alive.
I slide my belt out from under the loops in my jeans. I am slow and deliberate, pulling the belt with one strong arm off to the side. I clench my muscles while I do it. I lift my ass off her chest to give her a better view of this. At the last belt loop, I whip it so the leather flies over her face. I pull and snap it taught. I wrap the ends around each hand. I lean over and stretch the belt across her neck and over both wrists, flattening her against the mattress. I see her eyes spark with fear. Her neck. Breathing. Is she safe with me? This is what makes her pulse race, her pussy throb. I am safe. She knows this. She is safe. “Give it up to me,” I whisper, “Give in.” She closes her eyes and breathes out a slow stream, calming her nerves. I bend over her and kiss her softly. “I know you,” I tell her, “Let me know you.”
I bend low so that I’m on top of her. Her knees are up and she throws one leg across the back of my thighs, pulling me. I push my weight into my hands, keeping her pinned. I kiss her, pressing hard and feeling her teeth under her lips. My chest is just above her and I rub against her breasts. I lift my chest and my nipples tease her. I press my thigh into her, not moving but just deeply pressing her against the mattress. She rocks her hips, rubbing her pussy against me. I stay still pushing hard against her with my thigh. She leaves a wet trail on my jeans. Her pussy wants more from me, but I don’t relent.
I keep her down, her neck and wrists under the belt. I whisper into her ear and tell her what a fucking cunt she is. I tell her that she can’t have me yet. I tell her she can hump my thigh all she wants but I won’t move. I ask her just how long it will take her to get off like this. I tell her I’ll wait. I say what she wants to hear. The words feel unnatural at first but then they get me off. My body burns to move and pound my hips against her. My mouth can taste her. My tongue remembers her pussy, every rise and fall of her flesh. I remember what to do with my tongue; the pressure and pace where she moans the deepest. I know there is more uncharted terrain to learn. It’s hard to stay on top, in control, with these thoughts of her racing in my mind.
She pulls on me with her legs. Her hips circle fast while she rocks against me. Her pace feels desparate. I stop kissing her for a moment and stare at her. Her eyes are clenched and I see a small trail of tears running down her temples and into her hair. I kiss each temple. I lick the salt. I move my hips. She’s still pinned, unable to move her arms. I move myself so that both my legs are between hers. I give her my bones to fuck. I thrust hard against her. She squeezes me to her with her thighs as she finally gets off. I sit up quickly and slap her clit.
She leaves her arms where they were, as if I’m still pinning her. I slap her clit over and over again and she lifts her head to watch me. She looks dazed, lost. She is somewhere deep inside. I slide the belt underneath her neck and loop it. I hold her up and let her drop. I stare at her. I’m trying to see what she wants. I can’t read anything in her face now. She’s too far gone. Within the scene. I’m in control. Without a map. I frown and think for a second.
I flip her over and shove a pillow under her hips. I start hitting her ass. I’m hitting her with an open palm. This isn’t spanking. Her ass responds immediately, coloring a deep red. I can see the imprint of my palms at first, but soon it’s a blurry red smudge. I hit her until I know that she’ll feel this in the morning. I want her to avoid sitting tomorrow and remember why. She has never let me touch her asshole, but I spit on my thumb and rub her ass without asking. I bend over and lick it, sticking the tip of my tongue inside her ass. She opens quickly. She is so deeply gone, so lost tonight. At times I feel alone and lonely. But I am her guide on this journey, wherever she’s going, and that keeps me in touch with her even in these lost moments.
I am eating out her ass and suddenly I’m more turned on than ever with her. This tabboo being so completely broken without any negotiation has lit a fucking fuse inside me. I press my hands under her and pull on her hip bones. I shove one hand between her legs and pull it slowly up to her belly. “Get my fingers wet,” I tell her and repeat my movements while I go back to licking her ass. She is writhing against my fingers and soon my whole hand is wet. I don’t want to move my tongue away, but I feel how open she is. It’s time to fuck her.
I jerk my jeans down and grab at the cock between my legs. I wasn’t planning to fuck her ass tonight and this cock is not a small one. I squeeze the lube first on my fingers. One finger slides into her easily and then a second. She’s moaning now. She’s saying something but it’s all muddled and lost. I can see a worry on her brow, but she’s not stopping me. I start to realize that her worry has nothing to do with me. She looks confused. What’s this buzzing feeling? Is she in my ass? What’s happening? She knows and she doesn’t know. “Tell me,” I say. She mumbles unintelligably. “Tell me that you want this,” I growl at her. “What?” she asks me. “You know. Tell me,” I repeat.
I wait. I am still for a moment. “I want this,” she says. “What?” I ask her sternly, “You want what?” She buries her face and tells me, “Fuck my ass. Fuck me, god damn it.” Is it shame that makes her angry now? I don’t know. But it’s something to break and let go of and she does that beautifully every time.
I let the tip of my cock press slowly inside her. I feel resisitance at first and then she pulls me inside of her completely. I stay slow, pumping in and out of her ass. I grip her ass with both hands. She stretches one arm down between her legs to her clit. I watch her arm move and match her rhythm as I fuck her. It’s slow. We’re dancing. I pull her onto me. I drag my fingers up her back and dig a little deeper as I claw my way back down her spine. I watch her skin turn red. Red stripes trail across her whole back slowly, methodically. I keep fucking her in this crazy, slow rhythm.
At first I’m staring at her back and then I look down and watch my cock pumping in and out of her ass. I lose my breath for a minute and feel dizzy. It hits me. I pound her. This change snaps us out of our slow haze and now we are fucking again, hard and furious. It feels like a long time before she comes. I don’t want it to end and I’m reluctant to pull out even though she’s clearly spent. She finally reaches back to push against me. My whole body is drenched in sweat. I’m suddenly cold.
I drop down onto my back and take off the harness, dropping it over the edge of the bed. “Fuck you,” I say to her, breathless and shivering. She rolls over and curls up against my side. She slides her fingers through my sweat and licks me under my breasts. It’s only a few seconds before she’s sucking on my cunt. There’s no build up. She is determined and I can barely breathe and settle into the feeling of it before my body jerks and I come. She stays put and gets me off several more times. The last two orgasms are more pain than pleasure and I finally beg her to stop. She likes to push me like this. It’s all about pushing and being pushed.
When she moves off of me, I pounce on top of her and grab her neck with my right hand. I squeeze just enough to scare her and I see it. I slap her cheek hard. Harder than I ever have. She looks stunned. I slap her again. And again. And once more. And then I wrap my body around her and kiss her and she pulls on my hair and we lay tangled up for an hour. Our bodies held together and our mouths unable to move apart.