Be Mine

Her first night in my bed, I wanted her held in place but not bound. I wanted her vulnerable. “On your belly,” I asked and she rolled. I crawled over her. Holding myself up on my arms and legs, I rubbed tenderly against her. Then harder, a deeper pressure. My lips dragged down her neck. My nipples brushed her back, my cunt against her ass.

I bit the shape of a large V on her back. Not hard, not too painful, but little stinging bites up and down. I turned my head sideways, my hair was down and tickled against her ribs. I’m not sure why a V, but it felt right. Maybe it was the bottom half of a heart, an old fashioned valentine. Be mine.

“Spread your legs for me,” I told her. My voice was calm, perfunctory, but I felt a rush run through me and when I spoke next, my voice broke. “Lift your hips off the mattress. Keep your shoulders down.” She moved slowly like a snake with a full belly. I rubbed my palms on her, my fingers stiff in the air above her skin, poised but waiting.

“Wait like this for me,” I said, slipping out of bed. I went to my drawer for a cock and harness. Both were new, hers alone as she’d requested. I told her, “These are yours. Mine, but only for you, as I promised.” I saw the lips of her pussy peeking out between her thighs. I knelt between her legs and traced the outlines of her pussy with my thumbs, rubbing her back and forth, pushing between her legs, feeling her grow warm and wet. “I want to please you,” I whispered.

I pushed my cock up against her and bent my chest over her back. My arms wrapped around her, hands more needy now on her breasts, shoulders, belly. My fingers reached long and low to her pussy. I felt my cock against her and pressed it hard, pushing it on her pussy, but not penetrating her. Not yet. “This is yours. Only for you,” I growled in her ear, a friendly growl from a playful beast.

She started to say things to me. She wanted my mouth on her first. She wanted to feel me inside her. She wanted it hard. She wanted me to fuck her again and again. She wanted to chew on my hair.

My hair was hanging behind her head, touching her shoulder blades. I leaned forward and let it fall in her face. She pulled thick strands into her mouth with her tongue and sucked. I felt small tugs on my scalp. I stared, curious. No one had sucked on my hair before. I like surprises. I smiled at this woman. I felt good about her.

I watched as she stopped sucking, watched my hair, dark where it was wet, fall out of her mouth. She closed her eyes. I kissed a path down her back before slipping my head between her legs. Her pussy hung over me. I lifted my head off the mattress. My mouth met her and pulled her back down. I reached one arm up long, my hand to her mouth and rested two fingers against her lips. Gingerly, she licked them. As I sucked on her clit she pulled my fingers into her mouth and held my arm in both hands. She came, suddenly, surprising us both. I stayed beneath her until she let go of my arm. She started to move. All I managed to say was, “Hey,” and she stopped herself. “Good,” I whispered, “Stay.”

I knelt behind her again, my cock rubbing her, still not penetrating. I held my cock in my hands, pressing it firmly against her, rubbing her slowly. She reached back, wanting to pull me into her, but I slapped her hand away. “Wait,” I breathed, “You need to wait.” My hand on my cock, my cock on her pussy, hypnotic, a slow pace. I let my fingers wrap around my cock and touch her. Eventually my whole hand was rubbing her cunt, my cock resting against her inner thigh.

I reached over to the table next to my bed. I squeezed the lube, now my cock glistened, wet, slick, dripping. A quick shove to enter her then I held still. My cock inside her, deep, quiet, not moving. She rocked and I rocked with her, keeping it deep, knowing she wanted to feel me slide in and out of her, but keeping my cock buried inside her. I circled my hips and let her feel me move inside her, but still not thrusting. I held her hips tight against me.

She began to moan. Wanting to fuck, in and out, rubbing, hard. But I held firm. I kept my hips against her ass, moving inside her. I felt cruel but not punishing. “Wait,” I said, “It will happen.”

I pulled almost completely out and circled my cock, wanting her to feel just the tip of my cock moving in her pussy in wide circles. She balled up her fists and made me smile. I wanted her to ache, to feel her desire, to burn. “Wait. Wait and hold this just a little bit longer. Stay with me.” She relaxed. I pet her spine.

I stopped moving, my cock barely inside her, and took my hands off her. She held still, so still. “Fuck me,” her voice is strained, patient but pleading. “Come to me,” I answered, “I want you. It’s time.” For a few seconds more, she’s still. Then she slowly backs her ass towards me. She pushes her pussy onto my cock and draws me into her. I am still and she’s the one moving, swaying. I stare down, watching, feeling what she wants. My hands start to shake.

I start to fuck her slowly but with a deep and wired pressure I can feel through my whole body. My fingers are on her clit. We are both slow. Slower than we want. Deliberate. It builds. I start to pound her, curling forward. She asks me to come inside her. No one has ever asked me that. I smile. Knowing what she means. I swell. Her request expands me immediately. Something fills my whole body. Something thick.

She’s holding her orgasm back, waiting for me to come. I need to find it. I arch my back and look down over my chest at her. I see my wet cock slide in and out. I lean back and feel the pressure on my clit. I pull at her hips. I’m seeking my own pleasure, less focused on her. She starts to moan. “Do you like being used?” I ask her. “Do you like this?” She’s silent, but I can feel her answer. Her body responds. She buries her face in the sheets.

This is new for me. Another surprise. I don’t usually take. Not like this. I felt connected to her. Fucking her, but also taking her, taking from her, with her permission, by her request. “Come for me. I want you. It’s time.” she said and mirrored my words. I exploded and bent over her. Kissing her back. Fucking her. Fucking her for her again. My fingers moved back on her clit and I got to fuck her for a long time before she came.

I stayed inside her, wrapped my arms around her belly, and held her. My face turned and smashed into her back. It took awhile to let go, unwrap myself from her. I stretched out on the bed next to her. “I like the way you listen,” I whispered. “I like the way you take,” she said and stretched her fingers long, grabbing my face. We kissed for a long time after that.

The Reminder

Nobody else’s rules are my rules. Remember this. You remember. I’ll remember. Nobody else.

Judge me. I don’t give a fuck. I hold myself to a higher standard than any person or society could dare.

When I forget this, everything turns to shit. I need a reminder. A string around my finger. A collar around my neck.

As punishment, I wandered around the hot streets with a backpack full of rocks. My back and shoulders soaked with sweat after only a few minutes. My feet aching after an hour. I kept walking. I kept my pace. I told myself stories. I dug up the ancient scrolls that told of my resurrection.

My back is bruised. I can feel the sore spots where the jagged rocks dug into my skin. This pain is my reminder for now. Trust myself. Trust my instincts. Fuck everyone else. Fuck that thing that creeps in to tell me right and wrong, good and bad. I am my own compass.

You are under me. I am up on my arms. I am sweating in the heat. My tank top sticks to my back. My boxers are wet. You are naked and sweating. The mattress under you shows a dark stain where our sweat has seeped onto the sheet. You pull my hips into you. I stare down. I let you pull me.

I realize, in a moment, that I’m a prick. That I’ve set myself on high and let you suffer. This is the moment when everything changes. I abandon myself and let everything go. I move to lie next to you on my back and I stare at you. You crawl on top of me. You brush the hair off your face but some strands stick to your cheek. You press your palms on my chest and ride me. I ask if you want a cock and you nod and lick your lips. You look sexy, your tongue, but you’re not trying to be; it’s the sweat, the salt. I lick my own lips. I taste it.

Yes, you want my cock. I move to go get it. You kneel on the bed. You’re still fucking some imaginary woman underneath you. I strap on my cock and adjust it, watching you. This becomes a moment, a big part of what is between us right now. You, on the bed, fucking the ghost of me, or someone, while I watch. My hand wanders to my cock and I pull, I push, I twist. You hear me start to pant behind you. A dog with its tongue hanging low. Panting for you. Your ass rocking in the hot air in front of me.

I reach one hand long and let my fingers brush against you. I scratch at you. Your cunt glistens. I lean back and watch your pussy swing back against my cock over and over. I stay just out of reach. The heat is stifling. The tops of my thighs are shiny with sweat. I can smell us both. I like the stink of us in my nose. Animal. We smell dirty now. We need to bathe. This makes me lick you.

My tongue on the back of your thigh. I lick behind each knee. Under the curve of your ass. I slide my face under your pussy; the taste of sex and your sweat all together. I am gluttonous, forgetting about my cock. I hear you moaning a low “No.” I wonder why. Then you almost jump off my mouth and grab me under my shoulders, pulling me up to you. You shove my cock inside you. Now it’s “Yes.” A stream of words from your mouth curses me. I love your curses. You don’t scare me. Curse me now. Forever. Damn me. Banish my soul.

You look down, still fucking me hard, a huge smile on your face. You are two people. The beast fucking me and the woman who sees my shining, wet face and smiles and touches my sticky chin with her fingers. How you do this? I don’t know. You look so innocent at the moment you get off. Then you look up and hold it inside, deep inside yourself for a moment. I get to watch you disappear into that depth. I get to witness the beauty of this private shuddering pleasure. And then you return and laugh at my messy, wet face. You stick your tongue out above me and lean down slowly to lick me clean. You pull on my ears to hold me still.

No rules. How could there be rules? Nobody’s but mine. Not yours. Not theirs. Mine. We each have our own. Remember. Do what you need to do. Find your own reminder.